Snow Storm Etiquette

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The snow storm was approaching and one could not escape the news even if they had wanted to. I walked into a store here in Savage Minnesota and wondered aloud why there were so many people in it only to hear “haven’t you heard about the storm coming” Oooohh my god... a super storm!  Some said it would be 10 inches while others gave us predictions of 10-20 inches plus, but no matter the race was on to buy groceries, movies, fuel up and to get home. Somehow Minnesotans have lost their ability to judge how a snow storm will actually affect their daily lives and worse than that they have lost their sense of compassion and how a storm (or anything for that matter) may affect the lives of others.

I love the snow and revel in the below zero weather and high winds if only because its a challenge, but more than anything I can appreciate its power, beauty and the creativity it brings out in me. How amazing Nature is as she covers the filth of Urban humanity with her smooth clean snow white rolling blanket.   My fellow Minnesotans, at least the ones that live here in the suburbs of Minneapolis seem to enjoy it too, yet most of them do so only from the warmth of their new vehicles or homes. For the most part that’s the way it goes in the land of sheeple, but when the snow hits hard, those brand spanking new (4 wheel drive) vehicles whiz by the trapped motorists without the slightest pause or sense of obligation to them. They must be on their way to church, the bank or shopping. Hell, its really just like anything else most Americans do…It's something for themselves which comes first. The proud individualistic Americans who believe that the greatest gift they can give to others is their success in this quasi-capitalistic country. Oh, let the tow truck driver get em and that will feed the economy. Yup, that mind set plays out millions of times each day in the US of A while reality plays out the world over.....the reality of  human culture collapsing along with our life support system ...biodiversity ..yup, shes dying too. How bizarre that Americans believe the exact opposite of ...the truth. Imagine that.....Every American second destroys...each and every second destroys!  All of this because we let the tow truck driver do his job? hahahah....kinda sorta folks.

I love the snow flyin by and pilin up flake by flake. I love the quiet it gives from the cushioned wheels gliding by, and if I am so lucky as to have a mate on that snowy day....a cuddly, soft, snow loving, occasionally horny lil fart (I do have a bad back man)..... the love-in and creativity piles up high too...yeehaw. But while everyone was stockpiling groceries and liquor at the local super store, afraid they may miss a meal or two, while diminishing their overstuffed American fat....faces or asses or ....hell, take your body part pick man. Me?  I was making sure the Jeep Wrangler was loaded for the worst...getting others unstuck. Yup, get her  loaded for the unfortunate, and ignorant, so I can be helping them release their cars from Natures grip. The pay is shitty for sure, but the rewards feel damn good and not only the thank you and offers of cash, but feelings of ingenuity used successfully in the tortured mind of a former Norse god. Really Odin, can’t I be of a more god-like use than this though? Oh well, maybe a few more mortal lifetimes of sacrifice, of my giving, and HE will restore my godly powers. Nordic Karma is truly hell on earth so....

 C'mon Ragnarok lets get this shit over with. 

One dilemma here in snowland is: when do you remove the snow from the walk and driveway? I doubt it really matters when one has a machine to do the work for them, but when your back is bad or your up there in years you'd better maximize timing, each scoop, have help and just be careful. The house I live in has six mailboxes in front of it and we need to keep em clear in order for the postman to have access. So we all share the removal effort of course. But there’s this dude across the street from me who  is a real prime example of the American "I gots mine...F you" attitude.   Here's proof:

The storm hits that day and comes on strong that evening and into the next day. So I warmed myself up for the event by hanging out with Freedom, the 200 lb Newfoundland who thinks snowstorms are playtime. I will make note to have a pair of Newfies when I live up near The Great Slave Lake in Northern Canada… ah yes, I see it now, the solar panels on my dome home, making hydrogen, small scale alcohol and its multi-purpose  24/7 greenhouse for food, beer and pot! So comfy and warm  and...  NO suburbanites! Now where was I? Ah yes.... The storm picks up momentum the next morning and its going to make the already white christmas ...wow whiter. C'mon with two (2) feet of the white stuff Mother Nature! People, cars and trucks rushing all over the place instead of staying put, but at least they're rolling along  quietly. So I head out to get a cup of coffee (I’m the exception to the rule here man.... and exempt from frivolous travel)..... to shoot a few videos full well knowing many motorists will need help and they do. In my first turn I could see a new Corolla on a small incline, surrounded by 6 inches of snow on a well traveled road. This isn't much unless you're not used to driving in it and this person wasn’t, she was stuck. Flashers on, cell phone in her hand and traffic whizzin by! NO traction and low visibility in the middle of the day and getting worse by the minute. I pulled over to wait for my chance at moving over to her side of the road and I watched at least 50 vehicles drive by her, some slow and some freeway speed and stupid dangerous.  Many were 4 wheelers as SUVs and trucks, you know what kind of trucks I 'm speaking of right? The ones with no visible wear on them, trucks strictly for show and most were capable of easily pulling this car out as they know that there’s no tow truck coming. No wonder there’s road rage, no…that isn’t it. It’s these selfish average American drivers who are only looking out for themselves, who are showing us: that’s the way Americans drive man and.... that’s how WE LIVE too.No wonder I'm going insane. I'm reading all of this into their driving habits! You goddamn right as.....  Americans drive like they live....selfish and stupidly!   So I work my way in front of this car from the far right lane and with my trucks flashers on I get out and walk back to HER car and man is she tiny, so I assume elderly.  I can barely see her behind the wheel as she rolls down he window and instead of Granny, here’s this little mid 20s Somalia woman....who is not ready for Minnesota driving either.  I can see she’s trying to call but she puts the phone down and I ask if I can help her get out. She says "I've been here for almost an hour trying to get someone to help". Of course she can't even get out the car as its damn dangerous and she’s dressed for a summer walk around the lake...now that’s fucking stupid lady but, I bite my tongue,  because I can tell she'll never do that again. I will help but only if I can drive her car out and she agrees. She moves over to the passenger side and I get in, grab her purse and jump the hell out...NO, NO just messin with you ....so when traffic subsides I back up and gently move forward around the front of my truck to a safe place. We're laughing about how easy it was and now she can take over. She is very grateful... I wished her well and hoped she would not become stuck again which is the case far to often.

I ended up helping about a dozen people that day, most were easy to get unstuck and they were grateful, but a few were awfully impolite and....I told one to her face... go fuck yourself you snotty witch! Almost a bitch, but that’s reserved for those special ladies…she wasn’t quite worthy of that title. Yet she thought it was my civic duty to get her out for chrissakes and she would not listen to a damn thing any of us told her. Yeah, an audience will bring out the best in me as they thought I was out of line too. Yeah, fuck you, you bootlickers. The witch was situated right around the bend from a gas station....she was dressed to kill, plenty of cash and in no way should have been out there driving. She was f'ing shopping like so many other Aholes were that day.  

So off I go and I’m heading down the highway and the next thing I know I am stopped dead in traffic in  what now looked like a narrow inner city street with snow piled up 2,3,4 feet on each side in gorgeous waves. I could care less that we were dead stopped as I'm always prepared for killing time, but the stress I felt from the other drivers jockeying around was startin to piss me off . They were used to getting their way, and getting there fast, so the heads were peaking out the windows as they jostled for useless position. I want to know why some fuckin psychological thinking isn't used here....where was the yellow flag from this Nascar following....THIS they would understand...Nascar, hahahahahha...what a joke of a country that logic is replaced by Nascar!  What you could not see was that we had entered an open field and winds were high with low visibility on this stretch of highway.  So after a bit  I get out to take a peek as to what’s the hold up. Well, there’s no way  that one could tell unless you were actually up front and close to the “hold up” itself. No going forward or reverse as we ALL wait. Some drivers do get out and look like I did and we all look at each other like ...now what? Just then a  truck comes at us from the opposite direction and I run across the median to flag him down and ask what’s going on out there in front of us where he had just come from.  He slowed down a bit as his window comes down and he says "You'd better turn around cause it’s going to be hours before they clear the mess up”. Well,  I get in and swing the jeep around across the median and through the snow where I had just walked. Now knowing the snow depth makes this lil drive doable right?  I had just walked through it so  I knew there were no obstacles in the Jeeps path. The weird deal was that a shitload of other drivers begin doing the same thing but,  not in the same tracks of course. I look behind me in my mirrors and there they go like mad cutting across the median like I did , but NOT knowing if anything was in their path... goddamn stupid lazy arrogant Americans! "Oh Mother Nature can't stop me from shopping!  Like I said..they live like they drive and vice a versa.

It was getting dark on my way home and just before I get to this left turn lane  there is another car stuck and.... in a similar position as the young Somali lady. I approach the car as she rolls down her window down to see that she is crying. I tell her not to worry and we'll get it out. She also tells me shes been there for some time and not one person has stopped to help.  Not one F’n person! Again I wait for traffic and move the car in position for her to drive out and away. She is very grateful and fumbles for some money while I walk away to tell her I will watch her pull out into traffic. As she pulls away she waves the "I don’t dare turn my head wave" and there's this  half grin, half salvation look  flowing across her face.

But the prevailing theme that day was the all to .”I gots mine”. NO WAY will I get out to help you and especially not with my new clean  SUV, Pick up or whatever. Hardly anyone stopped to assist anybody in those eight hours and I'll attribute some of it to these suburbanites. These snooty lost souls so separated, so bland, so nasty, so boring, so mistrusting(of self that is)....these miserable stupid ignorant people....horrid people in a shit part of town. But most of this aversion to helping another comes from this American I gots Mine Insanity...the selfishness of those who more than likely have more than others and feel that those less fortunate should work their way up and "fuck them" until they get there, wherever THERE may be. What a shithole I live in...the suburb and country. Someone said to me recently that maybe people were just afraid to get out and help fearing they would be duped by those faking being stuck or maybe  robbed, or they’d get stuck themselves. Well, what’s the difference if its a ruse, self preservation or plain old selfishness? It’s all that same old American Lost culture "I gots mine...F you!"

I can't wait to get the hell out of here. But where to? Like the German band Rammstein sings…

”We’re all living in America” god are we ever screwed folks.

Oh, and by the way, no sexy lil fart was waiting for me either.